A Wide Line

F-R-R-R-iday!

2012-02-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

This non-winter we’re having isn’t so bad. It’s been in the seventies most of the week. It’sperfect weather for long walks, trips to the park, and sitting outside enjoyinga snack (Starbucks for Mommy and “wagon wheels” for Q-ball).

We might not have much snow for our trip to Lake Tahoe nextweek, but I’ve snowboarded on machine-made snow before. It’s not great, but nottoo bad. I stay out of the trees and stick to the wide, blue runs anyway. Butthe forecast calls for real snow next week while we’re there, so I’m crossingmy fingers!

Here are the “R’s.”

Recap

In Monday’s QWA, Quinn decided he liked bubbles.

On Tuesday, I finally mustered up the courage to write aboutmy experience with post-partum depression after Quinn was born. The outpouring of support I received afterthis post has been incredible. Thank you all for your comments, emails anddirect messages. I’m so blessed to be part of such a loving, supportiveblogging community.

In this week’s Not-So-Wordy Wednesday, you my handsome devil crank up thecharm. And yes, that glint in his eye is definitely mischief!

On Thursday… I didn’t post anything! See, I told you I was going to start takingThursdays off. I almost posted something, but I think I’ll save it for another week.

Referral

This week’s super awesome blogger referral is Susi from Boca Frau. Sound familiar? Imentioned Susi once before when she tagged me a while back. I really like Susi, and I think you will, too. Shemigrated to The States from Germany, and she’s relatively new to blogging. If you’re going to move to the U.S., BocaRaton is the place to be. Susi’s photosare just beautiful. This oneis breathtaking.

Susi writes about motherhood,being a naturalized citizenof our great country, and all-around life stuff. I like her because she’s honest about all of it – the challengesand rewards, the ups and downs. I’m sure we can all relate to that!

Susi is agreat writer with a lot to offer her readers. I’m so glad she started thisblog. Check her out this weekend. I dare you to resist the urge to book thenext flight to Florida!

Rewind

Quinn is finally getting braver with finger foods. Untilrecently, unless you put Puffs in front of him, he just pushed the food aroundwith his finger and whined about it. Now, he’ll eat almost anything you put onhis tray! Even bananas. Yes, that’s right. Remember when he hated bananas? This video stillcracks me up.

Tune in next week!

We’re going to the snow on Sunday. I can’t wait! Fours days of snowboarding and fun familytime. So next week’s NSWW should include some amazing photos of our trip and Qin the snow. Also, I’ll talk about my first year of being a stay-at-home-mom.

Have a great weekend, friends!
Melissa

Handsome Devil

2012-02-22T00:01:00.000-08:00

Not-so-wordyWednesday: Handsome Devil

This one’s from Valentine’s Day. Quinn’s fun-lovingpersonality really shows in this picture. Plus, he’s just so stinkin’ handsome(like his dad).

Q’s shirt says “lock up your daughters,” but that’s just a joke. Q already has a girlfriend.

All that I am

2012-02-21T00:01:00.000-08:00

It took me almost a year to muster up the courage to write this post. Istarted a draft when Quinn was three-months-old, but I struggled to find the words.It’s still hard to articulate, so please forgive the length of this post.

Let me preface this by saying I was never diagnosed with post-partum depression, which isprobably why I’m still unsure if I had PPD after Quinn was born. All I know iswhatever it was, it’s better now. Thanks to my mommy-friends and the bravebloggers who chronicle their stories, I now know these feelings are normal. Although,it feels anything BUT normal when you’re in the thick of it.

People tell pregnant women that “everything changes” when thebaby comes. But the magnitude of this fact is not conveyed. What people should sayis not one single thing will ever be thesame, which is somehow different from a casual “everything changes.”

Though you know everything will change, no one tells youthat you might hate that. You’re in soon-to-be-a-mommy bliss. It’s about to be thehappiest time of your life. This adorable, perfect, bundle of joy will bringyou just that – joy. And the joy is there. But so is the sadness.

No one tells you about the sadness.

As soon-to-be new parents, I fully expected to befrustrated, stressed out, seriously sleep deprived, and even angry at times. ButI didn’t expect to be so sad.

I tried to take friends’ warnings to heart; like that thebaby would eat every two hours from startto start, and some babies take 30-45 minutes to eat. While that didn’tnecessarily sound appealing, I just assumed that if my baby was latched to myboob 90% of the day, I would be fine with it. If that’s what my baby needed, Iwould happily leash myself to him, and it would be okay.

It was NOT okay. I was not fine with it. I hated it. No onetold me I would HATE it. They told me it would be hard.

Hard, I expected. Hate, I did not expect.

But I never hated the baby.

I always thought PPD was when a mom didn’t feel thatmaternal bond with her baby at first. These women resented, or even hated,their new babies and had fantasies about throwing them out the window orabandoning them at grocery stores.

Since I didn’t feel that way at all, I didn’t think PPD wasmy problem. I had the oppositefeelings. I felt I couldn’t protect my baby enough.Just the thought of anything happening to him made my anxiety level skyrocket.I would look at his beautiful face and just cry.

After Quinn was born, I couldn’t stop holding him. Iwanted to put him down, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t get out of bed. I sat there all day in my bathrobe, holding the baby and eating the stashof granola bars my loving Hubs left in the nightstand drawer before going towork. He would come home for lunch and find me in the same spot. I hadn’t eatenanything else, hadn’t showered or brushed my teeth. I hadn’t even peed yet.

“This is what they call ‘baby blues,’” I told myself. I knewmy hormones were running amuck, so it was easy to explain away my tears.

But I felt it was more than hormones. Nothing about my life wasthe same. All the things I found self-worth in were gone. I didn’t have mycareer anymore. I didn’t have time to clean my house or cook meals. I didn’thave time to do my hair or make myself presentable. I no longer felt like agood friend, daughter, sister or wife because all I could focus on was thebaby, and all my relationships suffered. Badly.

And since I could pinpoint actual tangible reasons for beingsad and angry, I didn’t think I had PPD. (I had not yet heard of post-partum anxiety.) I didn't know I probably needed help.

Being Quinn’s mommy is wonderful, just like I knew it wouldbe. I just didn’t know that being his mommy would be everything. It’s all that I am now. I used to be so much more.While I love my mommy life, I mourn the loss of my old life, my other selves,my old identity.

I think that’s why I feel so guilty so easily. When Q was anewborn, if I needed to just put him downfor a few minutes instead of holding him all day, I was not taking care ofmy baby. Even now, if I take time for myself to go to the gym or get my hairdone, I am not taking care of my baby.

And if Q’s mommy is all that I am now… andI’m not taking care of him, even if only for a few moments… than what am I inthose moments?

Nothing. In those moments, I am nothing. What identity Ihave left is gone when I’m not taking care of Quinn.

So I focus on him entirely so I can feel like I am somebody.And that becomes exhausting. And so I cried a lot in the beginning. A few daysafter we brought Quinn home, my husband told me he had never seen me so happyor so sad at the same time.

Nearly twelve months later, I still feel the anxiety, but the sadness is finally gone. LikeI said, I was never diagnosed with PPD, so I can’t say for sure that’s what I experienced.But my story feels so similar to others that I have read. Here are just a fewof the bloggers (there are many more!) that helped me feel less alone.

Sluiter Nation
Farewell, Stranger
Good Day, Regular People

Quinn’s Weekend Adventures: POP!

2012-02-20T00:01:00.000-08:00

Quinn’s first birthday is coming up, so I’m having tons offun planning a small party for him. However, I’m having trouble figuring outwhat to put in the loot bags for the kids since there will be boys and girlsranging three months to eight years of age, so it’s hard to find goodies that aresuitable for everyone.

Then I remembered how much Quinn liked the “touchable”bubbles from the Gymboree class we went to a couple times. (The bubbles werethe only thing either of us liked, so we didn’t go back.) The bubbles wouldland on the floor and on the kids’ hair and clothes, and they wouldn’t pop.They were a hit!

I decided the Gymboree bubble solution would be perfect forthe kiddies’ loot bags, and I looked up the recipe online. I had this big,grand plan to cook it up myself and create my own labels for the bubble bottlesto go along with the party theme (more on that later).

This all sounded so easy in my head.

Then after further consideration, I decided that soundedlike a sh*t-load of work.

At a party supply store, I stumbled upon “Super Miracle Bubbles,” which claim to be the exact same thing. I purchased a small bottle totest out at home with Quinn.

The bubbles landed on the floor without popping, more orless, but they’re not as durable and the Gymboree bubbles, and they’re harderto blow. (Stop giggling, Hubs.)

At first, Quinn got a little frustrated that he couldn't pick them up. So I made a big production and exclaimed“Yay, Quinn! You popped it!” so he would know that’s what’s supposed to happen.Then he really started to enjoy chasing the bubbles around the floor andpopping them.

While I don’t think there’s anything “super” or “miracle”about these bubbles, they’re cheaper than the Gymboree version and easier than making them myself, which probably wouldn’t turn out as good as Gymboree's anyway.

Imight still make my own bottle labels though. I’m a glutton for punishment.

F-R-R-R-iday!

2012-02-17T11:33:00.000-08:00

Hope you all had a wonderful Valentine’s Day. Hubs and Icelebrated last night because going out to dinner on actual Valentine’s Day canbe a nightmare. So last night we went to this cute little restaurant downtown,then walked to a nearby hotel bar for drinks, and finished the night atYogurtland – the Mecca of frozen yogurt. (They have Rolos for toppings. Rolos!)

Hope your week was full of sappy, lovey-dovey goodness.

Here are the “R’s.”

Recap

In Monday’s QWA, Quinn had fun with pillows.

In honor of Valentine’s Day on Tuesday, I talked about howhaving children changes a marriage and how my wonderful Hubs is still my Valentine.

In this week’s Not-So-Wordy Wednesday, you saw Q loungin’ in his jammies.

Thursday, I doled out more advice. This time I shared five things that non-mom friendsof first-time moms should know.

Referral

This week’s super awesome blogger referral is Kathy from My Dishwasher’s Possessed. Apparently, herdishwasher has had four exorcisms. You like her already don’t you? I knew youwould.

I recently found Kathy’s blog, and I’m so glad I did. She’sa mom to three wonderful kids that make her life fun and always interesting. Sheshares beautifully written stories, memoirs, and perspectives on a variety oftopics. This post about her husband joining the family for dinner is great. I think most moms can relate to this, evenif your hubs eats with you every night.

This story about her youngest son is hilarious. Don’t drink your morning coffee while you readthis because it will come out your nose.

Kathy writes numerous gems like this. With a daughter whohas special needs, two sons who are… well, you know how boys are… and a husbandwho is often away because of his work – somehow she manages to hold it all together and keep us all laughing,thinking and smiling with her words.

Kathyposts once a week on Sunday, so there’s no excuse not to subscribe to her.Anyone can keep up with reading one post a week. I can’t think of a better wayto spend a Sunday. So get to know Kathy, her wonderful family and her evil dishwasher this weekend.

Rewind

For our honeymoon, Hubs and I spent two fabulous weeks inItaly. So last October, in honor of our second wedding anniversary, I postedtwo short videos about our fantastic vacation. We spent the first week in Positano and the second week in Florence.

So while many of youare planning your summer vacation travels, I though now would be a great timeto remind you how amazing Italy is. Just in case you feel like splurging alittle. Feel free to send these links to your husbands and boyfriends asnot-so-subtle hints. :)

Tune in next week!

Okay, I’m going to do it. I’m committing to it now. I’mfinally going to talk about post-partum depression and what I experienced afterQuinn was born. It only took me a year to build up the courage, so please begentle.

I’m also going to change up my blogging schedule a bit.Writing five posts a week is getting hard to keep up with, and I’m sure it’snot easy for you to keep up either. So I’m going to start taking Thursdays off,unless of course, there’s an awesome prompt from Mama Kat (and let’s be honest, they’re all pretty awesome)or something pops into my head that I just haveto write about.

I’m kinda bummed about this decision because I have a blogcalendar full of topics until July, and if I take out one post a week, thatbooks the calendar through the rest of the year. And it’s only February. Plus,other stuff comes up that I want to write about, and that always shifts thewhole calendar.

Hmmm… we’ll see how long this lasts.

Have a great holiday weekend, friends!
Melissa

Five things friends of new moms should know

2012-02-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

Remember that friend who would drop everything to go grab adrink with you after work? The one who was always down for a last minute lunch,dinner or shopping date? The one who would chat with you on the phone for hoursabout absolutely everything and nothing at all? What happened to her?

She had a baby, that’s what.

Non-moms are never prepared for their friends to havebabies. Neither of you are prepared for how your friendship will change when oneof you is not a non-momanymore. Last week, I gave advice to new dads. Today, I’m giving advice tonon-mom-friends-of-first-time-moms.

(Look at me, allarrogant, thinking I can just start doling out advice left and right now thatI’ve been a parent for a whole whopping year.)

1. Ask about the baby.

I know you’re sick of hearing about the baby because it’sall she’s talked about since the little bundle arrived, but please try tounderstand your friend just gave birth to a humanbeing. That’s kind of a big deal, and she really doesn’t have anything elseto talk about. She’s not up on the latest world news or even the latest gossip.Her life is centered around the baby now.

You don’t have to let baby-talk dominate the conversation,but just start out by asking about the little one. Get it out of the way in thebeginning. Let her gush about how adorable he is (this is where you smile andnod in agreement), and then she can get it all out of her system so you canmove on to other points of discussion.

2. Babies cannot be moreflexible than grown-ups.

If your friend says she and the baby can meet you at noon,that means noon and not a moment earlier. Most likely, the baby has at least somewhat of anap schedule. She doesn’t set the schedule – the baby does. And she’s not theboss of her anymore. If she wakes him up too early so she can meet you earlier,the baby will be tired and cranky, and your time together will not be much fun.And then her whole afternoon will be wrecked because the baby didn’t get a goodmorning nap.

Please don’t assume your friend expects the world to revolvearound her baby. That’s not true. Please don’t assume that a tiny baby shouldbe easy to control. That’s definitely not true. And most of all, please don’tassume that because she’s a stay-at-home-mom that she has nothing else going onthat day besides a lunch date with you. Trust me, you have the ability to bemore flexible than that baby does no matter how hectic your schedule seems.

3. She will be late.

When I say “noon means noon,” I mean noon means 12:30-ish. Everythingis “-ish.” Again, your friend’s not trying to be inconsiderate of yourschedule. It’s just very difficult to get anywhere at a certain time with ababy. Her day is unpredictable. She will struggle to get herself ready, and shedoesn’t how long the baby will sleep, how long he will take to eat, how long itwill take to get him dressed. Plus, the baby will inevitably take a giant crapright as they’re finally leaving, thus delaying her by ten minutes or more, dependingon the size of the crap.

4. You will have toshare her attention.

If the baby is with you on your outing, he will requiretending to. Constantly. Your friend will sometimes be able to talk to you andlisten to you, and sometimes she won’t. She will lose track of what she’ssaying and you might have to repeat yourself, but that doesn’t mean you shouldstop and wait for her to get done tending to the baby. Because she will neverbe done. Ever. I know it can be frustrating to have a conversation with someoneyou don’t feel is listening, but please try to cut her some slack. She’s tryingto please everyone at once.

5. She misses you.

Your friend loves her new baby more than life itself, butshe misses her old life. Most of all she misses YOU. She wants to talk to you about something elsebesides the baby, and she wishes she had something else to say. She misses thefun times the two of you used to have. Maybe you’ve stopped calling as muchbecause there never seems to be a good time to call her. And you’re right –there isn’t. But that means right now is as good a time as any, so pick up thephone.

Bottom line – your new-mom friend has changed a lot and youhaven’t, and that can put a strain on any friendship. But just be patient withher while she gets accustomed to her new life. There will be room for you in itas long as you’re willing to stick around.

Hey moms, what do you wish your non-mom friends understood?

Loungin’

2012-02-15T00:01:00.000-08:00

Not-so-wordyWednesday: Loungin’

This is an old picture of Quinn, but it’s one of myfavorites. I took this photo around Halloween last year when he wasalmost nine months old.

After batting that plastic bowl around for a while, Q tiredhimself out and collapsed onto the wall of pillows behind him. (That wall ofpillows contained him for about a minute before he figured out how to move themout of his way and crawl through. Then he just crawled right over them.)

Q looks so chill and relaxed here. I can’t remember the lasttime he held this still while awake. I’m glad I have photographic evidence thatit really is possible for him to be still for a moment.

Still My Valentine

2012-02-14T11:48:00.000-08:00

“People who have kids to save the marriage are crazy.”

My friend spoke those words yesterday when she came overwith her adorable twelve-week-old baby girl. (Don’t worry – she speaks fromeven greater experience. Her almost-two-year-old boy was at daycare.)

Parenthood is one of the biggest tests you’ll ever put yourmarriage through. So before you even think about having yourselves a kid, youbetter really, really like eachother. Like, a lot.

Parenthood brings inequalities in the relationship to thesurface and often creates (perceived) new ones. It initiates the power strugglebetween the two of you. It requires that you give more than what you have togive. All of this can surmount to a butt-load of resentment if you’re notcareful.

Parenthood will change both of you in ways you never thoughtpossible, and you might not like the changes you see in each other or yourself.That’s why it’s important to remember who you were and what you loved abouteach other before you were Mommy and Daddy.

At the core, you’re still those same people. Look reallyhard. See? You’re still there. (Just with a little less lingerie and more yogapants.)

The biggest thing I’ve learned in our first year ofparenthood is that you have to let go of the little things and the resentmentthat tends to follow. If you just breathe in and let it go, hopefully yourpartner will notice and do the same.

Wouldn’t that feel so good? To just let it go and give eachother a big hug? And why not a big kiss while you’re at it. Ah, and throw insome tongue, too. It’s Valentine’s Day.

I’m so grateful that the Hubs and I have the relationship wehave. We started with a solid foundation and a fierce love for each other thatcan withstand the challenges of being new parents. Having a baby has shaken us,I admit. But we haven’t crumbled. And every time we rebuild, we are stronger.

I look at his handsome face, and I see the man I fell inlove with. He still cracks me up, he still makes me feel beautiful, and hestill puts his arms around me. And I swoon.

Through the exhaustion, stress and short fuses– through thesleepless nights, poopy diapers and toys everywhere– he’s still my Valentine.This year, next year and every year after that.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Quinn’s Weekend Adventures: Okay, ‘night-night

2012-02-13T00:01:00.000-08:00

The weekend started out not so great. Quinn caught a littlestomach bug on Thursday and had a really rough night. Not to totally gross youout, but I haven’t seen that much vomit since college. Poor little guy.

Twenty-four hours (and four disgusting loads of laundry)later, Q was back to his old self again. That’s the good news. The bad news isthat Hubs caught the same bug and was down for the count Friday night and allday Saturday. Poor big guy.

I’m not sure how I made it through the weekend without gettingthe illness, but I’m glad it passed me by. Someone has to take care of thesepeople! (I really hope I didn’t just jinx myself.)

Somehow, we actually managed to take some fun pictures* thisweekend. Quinn’s been all about pillows lately. He lays his head on the tosspillows from the couch and on the boppy. He’s never slept with a pillow, so Idon’t know where he got the idea to lay on them, but it’s really cute.

I’ll say "'Night-night, Quinn," and he’ll lay his head down onthe pillows and start crawling all over them. If I lay my head on one, he comesover and kisses the side of my face. His kisses involve a whole lot of slobber, butI don’t mind. My heart melts anyway.

Did your heart just melt, too?

*Sorry for the blurriness of some of these photos. Quinn is a blur all the time. Even when he's lying down, he's moving.

F-R-R-R-iday!

2012-02-10T00:01:00.000-08:00

So we got a little of that rain I asked for last week, but then it quickly warmed up and thesun came out again. Humph. It’s not lookinggood for our snow trip in a couple weeks.

This F-R-R-R-iday is going to be light, folks. We’ve got asick baby on our hands. We’re not sure if Quinn’s got a little stomach bug or ifit’s something he ate, but there’s all kinds of nastiness going on over here. Youdon’t even want to know.

I have the most disgusting load of laundry to do, and I betwe have a long night ahead of us, so I’m just going to give you a quick recapof the week and then try to get some sleep. No Referral or Rewind. Sorry! Butif you’ve ever had a sick kid, I’m sure you know how it is. Thanks forunderstanding!

Here is the “R.”

Recap

In Monday’s QWA, Quinn had a great time swinging at the park and watching the Super Bowl.

On Tuesday, I had some words of advice for all first-time dads. Know someone about to have ababy? Do the woman a favor and send this to her significant other.

In this week’s Not-So-Wordy Wednesday, you saw Quinn’s awesome dance moves, which he,of course, gets from me.

Thursday, I got tagged and passed on the fun to some of my favorite bloggers. Since I’mnot giving you a referral this weekend, you should definitely check thoseladies out!

Tune in next week!

Next week, I’ll have some advice for non-parents who havefirst-time-parent friends. Wondering what happened to your friends who used tobe so cool and fun before their little bundle of joy arrived? I’ll try toexplain.

Have a great weekend, friends!
Melissa

Not it!

2012-02-09T00:01:00.000-08:00

I’ve been tagged by Susi from Boca Frau! I actually likethese little bloggy memes. Not only do I get introduced to new bloggers, but Iget to sing the praises of some of my favorites and remind you how awesome theyare.

For this one, I’m to answer the ten questions below and then“tag” a few of my favorite bloggers.

1. Describe yourself inseven words

Not in any particular order: creative, stressed, expressive,germophobe, marketer, wife,mommy. (I resisted the urge to write “mommy” seven times, even though thatfeels about right these days.)

2. What keeps you up at night?

Is that the babycrying? Is it too cold in his room? Too hot? Did he get enough to eat today? Hemight wake up hungry soon. Did I give him his medicine? Yes, I did. Okay good.Shit, I forgot to sew that toy with the rip in it. I’ll do that tomorrow. Ineed to call the pediatrician’s office, too. And I need to buy wrapping paperfor Q’s birthday presents. I should write this down. No, I’ll remember. Who amI kidding? No, I won’t. Wait. Is that the baby crying?....

3. Who would I like tobe?

You know, I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather be. Mylife’s not perfect, but it’s pretty damn good. I have a wonderful husband wholoves me and whom I love right back, an adorable baby boy I can’t get enough of,and everything I could ever need.

But if I had to pick someone, maybe Julia Roberts? I loveJulia.

4. What am I wearingnow?

I hate to admit it, but I’m wearing the mom-iform: yogapants (no, I did not go to yoga today, nor do I plan to), a long-sleeved tee, aponytail, and barely enough make-up to be presentable enough for the publiceye.

5. What scares me?

The thought of anything happening to Quinn or my Hubs.Mortality is so much more real now that I’m a mom. Wow, my heart rate went upjust typing that.

Oh, and almost every scary movie trailer. Yes, just thetrailers are enough to make me not want to walk into a dark room. Yes, I’maware that I’m a grown woman and these are just movies. Still, Paranormal Activity 3 previews gave me aserious case of the heebie jeebies.

6. What are the best andworst of blogging for me?

The best is “meeting” new people. The support that is outthere is incredible. The worst is trying to keep up with my favorites and makingtime to leave comments. I almost always read them, but they never know I’m there. That’s actually way less stalker-ish than it sounds.

7. What is the lastwebsite I visited?

Facebook. Duh.

8. What is one thing Iwould change about myself?

Just one? I need to chill. I’m anxious all the time now thatI’m a mom. I get all spun up in details that no one else thinks about (hencethe keeping me up at night) and create a lot of stress for myself.

9. Slankets – yes or no?

I’ve mentioned this before.No. Hells no.

10. Say something aboutthe person who tagged you.

I recently found Susi’s lovely blog, Boca Frau, on a linky. She’s relatively new to The Statesand resides in the gorgeous Boca Raton, Florida. Check out some of herbeautiful sunset photos whenyou get a chance. Makes you wanna book a flight, right? Susi’s a totalsweetheart, an excellent writer, and a wonderful new bloggy friend.

Now I get to tag some peeps. One… two… three… Not it!

Cynthia from Life By Cynthia

Missy from Literal Mom

Tiffany from Elastamom’s Excerpts

Kathy from My Dishwasher is Possessed

Mary from My 3 Little Birds

Have you discovered these awesome ladies yet? If so, youknow why I tagged them and want to share their bloggy goodness with the entireblogosphere. If not, well then, you’re welcome!

Thanks for the tag, Susi!

Doin’ The Sprinkler

2012-02-08T00:01:00.000-08:00

Not-so-wordyWednesday: Doin’ The Sprinkler

Have you ever been so mad that you just had to bust out and startdoing The Sprinkler? Yeah, me neither. But that’s what my son does when he starts to get upset.

Sorry to cut this video off so abruptly. Quinn’s littledance actually went on a bit longer. However, I let out the worst, mostembarrassing guffaw, I had to edit it out. It was worse than a guffaw. It soundedlike a cow getting something shoved up her nose. Seriously, do I always laughlike that?? Why didn’t anyone tell me? How do I have friends?

Four things new dads should know

2012-02-07T00:01:00.000-08:00

So you’re about to be a dad. Congrats, dude. That’s awesome.Everyone keeps telling you that everything is about to change, and you smileand nod politely. But in your head you’re thinking, “Yeah, duh, no shit.”

I know this because I thought the same thing when I waspregnant. Of course everything isgoing to change. We’re having a baby.Hello?!

But seriously, dude. Shit’s about to get real.

Take it from this new mom. Since I’ve made it through myfirst year of parenthood and lived to tell about it, let me give you a littleadvice that other parents are not going to tell you. As a first time dad, here’swhat you really need to know.

#1: You can shoveyour to-do list.

I know the lawn needsmowing, and there are weeds to pull, and there’s faucet dripping somewhere, andthe porch light burned out, and blah blah blah. I know you might be feeling abit useless right now, and you aren’t sure what you can do to help your wifewith this new baby since she’s the keeper of the boob juice. So it’s temptingto focus on the chores and errands because you think that will make you SuperHusband and Dad of the Year.

You’re wrong. Sit down.

You need to sit and hold this baby. No, not like a football.Like a baby. Your wife has not peed in, like, eight hours. She has not eatenanything all day. She has not showered or even brushed her teeth. She has done nothingbut hold this baby that cries every time she puts it down. You’re finally homefrom work. Now sit and hold this baby so your wife can go pee. Trust me, that’sway more important than anything you have on your to-do list.

Unless, of course, she tells you to go mow the lawn. Then why are you still sitting there?!

And may God help you if you even think about dropping on the couch, turning on the game, andcomplaining that you’re tired.

#2: You’ve got a rolein breastfeeding.

And that role is called Errand Boy. As soon as your wifegets that baby latched, she’ll realize ten things she needs. Get her a glass ofwater and something to nibble on. (The baby’s going to be there for while.) Makesure she has the remote control, her cell phone, enough pillows, and anythingelse she asks for. And make sure all of these items are within three inches ofher because she won’t be able to reach far.

And please don’t make her watch the football game or one ofyour lame TV shows while she’s nursing. It’s bad enough she’s chained to thecouch for next forty-five minutes or more (perfeeding, which is every 2-3 hours). She has nothing else to do than stareat the TV, so please put on something you both enjoy. Or just something sheenjoys, if you’re really going after that Super Husband and Dad of the Yearaward.

Oh, and remember those foot massages you were giving out sofreely while she was pregnant? Yeah, keep those comin’, buddy. Breastfeedinghurts like a muther in the beginning.Her feet shouldn’t have to hurt, too.

#3: Breast milk isliquid gold.

Pumping sucks. It more than sucks. It super sucks. It takes,like, a zillion years to pump two ounces sometimes. So all that breast milk inyour fridge took a long time to obtain. Sacred, baby-free time that your wifecould’ve spent doing other important things. (Like peeing and brushing her teeth.See #1.) Do not waste this milk. Do not treat it lightly. If she tells you notto touch it, don’t touch it. Her boobs created that milk, so she’s in charge ofit.

If your wife accidently spills some, there will be tears. Ifyou accidently spill some, there will be worse.

(#2 and #3 in this list assume you’re going to give yourbaby breast milk at least some of the time. If that’s not the case, don’t thinkyou’re off the hook. Dads can prep bottles of formula, too.)

#4: Your new role isRoadie.

If you really want to know how it’sdone, take a lesson from my Hubs. He took on the role of roadie after our son was born, and it’s been awesome! Admittedly, it took us a littlewhile to get into this rhythm, so give it time and you’ll find yours, too.

Go ahead and read the My Roadie post. I can wait. (Insert Jeopardy music.)

I know what you’re thinking. MyHubs does set the bar pretty high. But the bad news is your wife is already aware of this. That’s why she sent you a link to this post.

What advice do you have for first time dads?

Quinn’s Weekend Adventures: Swingin’

2012-02-06T00:01:00.000-08:00

It occurred to me recently that Quinn’s finally old enoughfor some of the playground equipment. I figured that was the kind of thing thattoddlers did, you know, once they started walking. But then a friend said sheput her seven-month-old in a baby swing, and she loved it.

Why didn’t I think of that sooner?

So Hubs and I took Q to the park to play on the swings forthe first time. His sweet smile says itall.

I don't know what Q's hair is doing in this picture, but it cracks my sh*t up! Haha!

He also went down the slide with Mommy a few times. Babiesare a great excuse to act like a kid.

Then Hubs left on a business trip Saturday morning, so itwas just the Q-man and me this weekend. On Sunday afternoon, the two of us went downtownfor a stroll and were surprised to see the farmers market going on. I guess theunseasonably warm, dry weather brought all the merchants out.

Then Quinn and I walked over to another park and found ababy swing. No, he doesn’t have shoes on. They’re in the car somewhere. Ifigured it was better for him to take them off and lose them in the car than atthe park.

When Quinn woke up from his nap later, I turned on the SuperBowl. Now, you know I’m not a huge fan of football.And I was really tempted to celebrate the end of football season by not watching it. But it just seemedweird not to have it on. Plus, I really wanted to see the commercials.

So to make Daddy proud, here’s a picture of our baby boywatching his first Super Bowl game.

Quinn doesn’t have any New England Patriots gear, so we decided that hisCaptain America shirt would have to do.

For any Pats fans who are still mourning yesterday’s loss,hopefully this will make you smile.

Quinn loves to beread to. He hands you the book he wants you to read, and when you’re done, hemakes the sign for “more.” Weread the same books about a hundred times a day.

And sometimes he reads by himself, flipping through thepages of his board books and jabbering away.

F-R-R-R-iday!

2012-02-03T00:01:00.000-08:00

As much as I’m diggin’ this warm and sunny weather right now,I really hope it rains soon. Rain here means snow in the Sierras, and snow inthe Sierras means SNOWBOARDING! That’s right. Parenthood isn’t stopping Hubsand I from hitting the slopes at least a couple times this season. However,lack of snow might. We have a trip planned for later this month, so if any ofyou in colder climates want to send some of your snow our way, I’d be happy totake it off your hands.

Just please don’t tell anyone here that I asked for it.

Here are the R’s.

Recap

In Monday’s QWA, all play and no work made Quinn a tired boy.

On Tuesday, I got all fired up with my rant on how adults needto respect children as people and have more baby empathy.I swear, some people expect kids to behave better than grown-ups do! Okay,sorry, I’ll stop…

In this week’s Not-So-Wordy Wednesday, you saw a photo of Q’s adorable curls.

Thursday, I wrote a “ToLBK” letter to my son telling him how I sometimes wish life could be morelike the movie Groundhog Day.

Referral

This week’s super awesome blogger referral is Mary from My 3 Little Birds. Her writing isjust beautiful. I love the gentle way it flows. There’s something just socalming and peaceful about it. I feel like I need to be sipping chamomile teawhen I read her.

This recent post about listening to children really struck me, especially since I was on my “respectchildren” kick last week. Her story is so touching. This recent post about “motherworries”really hit home with me as well, as I have been writing a lot aboutanxiety and motherhood lately. (It’s like she’s in my head!)

She has a gorgeous collection of posts called MOMents about how littlemoments can have a profound impact. Each of these stories makesme say “whoa.” Especially this one. And this one.And this one.

So brew a pot of tea and get lost with Mary and her little birds thisweekend. And when you look up from your laptop hours later, blinking, wonderingwhat time it is, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Rewind

Q’s schedule is starting to shift a little. Sometimes thattwo-hour morning nap that I’ve learned to depend on is a little shorter. Butthat’s okay. That usually means he takes a good afternoon nap. He actuallytakes his afternoon nap in his crib now,which is awesome! Unless, of course, we’re out and about in the afternoon andhe falls asleep on the way home. Then I’m stuck driving around. So naptimestill makes me fat and broke. Doh!

Tune in next week!

You will definitely want to come back for Not-So-Wordy Wednesdaynext week. I have a hilarious videoto show you. I also have some advice for first-time dads, and I hope you’llchime in with your own pearls of wisdom as well.

Happy Super Bowl weekend, friends!
Melissa

To LBK: Groundhog Day

2012-02-02T00:01:00.000-08:00

Hey, Q-man! Look who’s a big boy now! You’re almost elevenmonths old, and you’ve learned so many new things. You’re not a little babyanymore.

You easily pull yourself up on everything – the couch,activity table, baby gate, toy box, crib rail. You can climb up stairs. The world is yours to exploreand conquer. You’re starting to walk along the furniture and you can push youractivity table and high chair across the room.

I smile and watch you go.

Soon, Mommy and Daddy are going to have a toddler on theirhands. Good thing you like to be chased around! In the meantime, you crawl at the speed of light. You can getfrom point A to point B in no time on those hands and knees, and I love to getdown on the floor right along with you. You wrestle me to the ground, plant abig, slobbery kiss on my face, and crawl over me to get to the next thing thatcatches your eye.

I smile and watch you go.

You’re even learning how to sign now! You make the signs for “more” and “all done.” You’re such a smartboy! You chatter even more now, which we didn’t think was possible.You mimic sounds you hear Mommy and Daddy make and string the sounds togetherto make your words. It’s so cute how you laugh when you hear us laugh. Withyour chatter and laughter, you go on and on and on.

I smile and watch you go.

It sounds cliché to say that time is going by so fast, but it’s true. My heart swellswith pride at each new thing you learn, but I admit it’s bittersweet. Each newdevelopment, big or small, is one stage farther away from being my baby boy andone stage closer to being your own man. I want to slow time down and enjoy each stage a little longer.

Sometimes, I wish I could stall time completely, like in the movie Groundhog Day, and relive this day overand over. I want to wake up every morning and know for certain that today isnot any closer to the day when you start kindergarten. Or the day you borrowthe car for the first time. Or the day you leave for college. Or the day youget married and start your own family.

I will be so incredibly proud of you on each of those days. I will be overcome with joy and love for you.

I will smile and watch you go.

But not today.

I love you, sweet boy.
~ Mommy

Curly Q

2012-02-01T00:01:00.000-08:00

Not-so-wordyWednesday: Curly Q

I love that Q’s hair is getting long enough to curl aroundhis ears. Adorable.

Baby Empathy

2012-01-31T00:01:00.000-08:00

Quinn has always been a real person to me. I say this because now that he’s older, people say things like “He’slike a little person now!” I know what they mean, but I want to ask “Whatwas he before?”

We had our second ultrasound at thirteen weeks, and he wasso obviously a real person. (Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a pro-life rant or anything. Just telling you how I felt at the time.) I could see his little nose andmouth, and his legs were kicking. Ididn’t know if we were having a boy a girl, but we were definitely having aperson.

In this picture, it looks like he's sucking his thumb!

People describe newborns as little blobs because they justlay there and don’t do anything. Again, I know what they mean, but I neverthought that about Quinn. Maybe because he was so demanding and didn’t just laythere, but I thought of him as a person back then, too.

I have been constantly concerned about Quinn’s well-being and comfort since the day I found out I was pregnant. It’s almost like an achein my heart – that’s the best way I can describe it. It might just be myimagination, but when I think about Quinn, I feel a physical tug in my chest.

I have “baby empathy.”

I’ve always been an empathetic person, meaning that it doesn’ttake much for me to literally feel what someone else is feeling. According mytherapist, I “take on others’ pain for them so they don’t have to feel it.”

She says that like it’s a bad thing.

So it should be no surprise that I try to relate to my son’s pain, even the smallestdiscomfort. (What mother doesn't?)

What am I talking about? Glad you asked. Here goes my rant.

When the sun is in our eyes, we put on sunglasses or pulldown the visor in the car. A baby can’t do that. That’s why I have four sun shades on my backwindows – so I can keep the sun out of Quinn’s eyes as much as possible whilewe’re driving. I don’t say, “ah, he’s fine” and keep driving. I’m actuallyreally concerned for his comfort.

When we’re out walking and the wind picks up, I move thecanopy on the stroller to shield Q from the wind as much as I can. When he wasreally little, Q really hated having the wind in his face. I don’t think thisis something he should have to learn to deal with. As adults, we don’t enjoygetting wind blasted in the face. Why should we expect a small baby to put upwith it?

That leads me to my least favorite saying from experiencedparents – “He needs to learn…” For example, when people come over and the babyis sleeping, I have no problem asking them to keep the noise level down. What’swrong with expecting people to have some consideration for someone who issleeping? That’s when the “wise ones” admonish me and tell me that “he needs tolearn to sleep through noise” and “you don’t want a kid who wakes up at every sound.”

But let’s say you’re at Grandma and Grandpa’s house, andGrandpa goes upstairs to take a nap. If the children get too loud, what doesGrandma tell them? Exactly. She says “Shhhh! Grandpa’s sleeping.” If we expectchildren to keep the unnecessary noise to a minimum so the adults can sleep,why can’t adults keep it down so the children can sleep?

So when you come over and Quinn is asleep, I just ask thatyou open and close the bathroom door softly and that you don’t let thecupboards slam. You don’t have to whisper, but if you could lower your voicejust a tad, that would be appreciated. (And never tell another parent whattheir child needs to learn. It won’t go over well.)

I think if we want to raise children to be respectful, wemust role model that behavior and treat them with respect. Not that thereshould be any question about who is in charge, but we can still treat babiesand children like people. Because that’s what they are. They have needs and emotions just likeadults, they just don’t have the means to communicate them. They learn how todeal with their emotions by watching us.

So there you have it. I ooze with baby empathy. I suppose thatexplains the cause of some of my mommy-anxiety,huh? Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go check the temperature in the nurseryfor the eighty-seventh time.

Quinn’s Weekend Adventures: All Play and No Work

2012-01-30T00:01:00.000-08:00

Quinn’s got a pretty good life, I must say. His weekendconsisted of playtime, playtime and more playtime.

Don’t Quinn and Daddy look adorable in their coordinatingblue and white stripes?

Quinn knows he’s not supposed to play with the DVR, Wii orother items on the media center shelf that we can’t figure out how to baby-proof. As you can see, he’squite terrified of his parents and obeys us well. (Yeah, riiiiight… )

Quinn likes to bounce on the outside of his jumperoo. In this short video, he goes a littlebonkers. And he does his version of the sign for "all done" at the end, which is really cool!

Here’s another short video of Q and Daddy playing chase. Q laughsthe whole time and celebrates his victory by slobbering on Daddy’s hat.

On Sunday, we stopped by Namma and Poppa’s house to seeeveryone. Quinn’s uncle and cousins were there playing basketball.

Quinn and Poppa Steve watched the action from the sidelines.

Then Namma Mary found this car to push Q around in, and heloved it! That’s a pretty pimp ride you got there, Q. All the lady babies wantto ride with Quinn!

Last night, Quinn was asleep by seven-o’-clock. All play andno work makes Q a tired boy.

F-R-R-R-iday!

2012-01-27T00:01:00.000-08:00

Something great happened yesterday! Quinn signed his firstword! He made the sign for “more” during dinner last night, twice! All thistime, I didn’t even think he paid attention to the signs I made, but I guess hedoes. I don’t think he really knows what it means yet, though. Like, I don’tthink he understands that he’s asking for more food or more story time withthat sign, but the context will come later. The fact that he associates thesign with the word is still pretty damn cool.

My baby’s a genius!

Here are the R’s.

Recap

In Monday’s QWA, Hubs and I took turns taking care of Quinn.We made a great tagteam, but we missed spending time together.

Tuesday got a little heavy with more confessions about mommyanxiety, and I told you all the little details that make me spin with worry.

In this week’s Not-So-Wordy Wednesday, you saw more gratuitousphotos of my devastatingly handsome son.

Thursday, I told you about the moments that made me realize Iam old.

Referral

This week’s super awesome blogger referral is Katie from Practical Parenting. Katie is a psychotherapistand parenting expert, and in every post she offers us actionable advice. Everytime I read her blog, I learn something new that makes me say, “Wow, that’sgenius!”

Everything from building self-esteemin children to teaching socialskills to being an engaged parent,Katie’s got us covered. This mom is seriously smart.

This is one blog you’ll want to have in the front of yourMommy Toolkit. So get to know Katieand her amazing blog this weekend, and be sure to have a pen a paper handy –you’ll want to take notes!

Rewind

Quinn is looking more and more like a little boy every day.Pretty soon, he won’t be a baby anymore. One of my favorite Not-So-Wordy Wednesday posts is Lions,Tigers and Bears, full of more gratuitous photos of my sweet Q-ball at fourmonths old. He even has a little lion on his tushie!

Tune in next week!

I can’t believe it’s the end of January. I’ll have a sweet To LBK poston Groundhog Day and a post on something I like to call “baby empathy.” Unless asuper tempting writing prompt comes out next week, in which case I’ll writeabout something else entirely.

Have a good weekend, friends!
Melissa

I knew I was old when…

2012-01-26T00:01:00.000-08:00

I knew I was old when I stopped recognizing the celebritieson the cover of Us Weekly. The namefor the magazine should be Your WeeklyReminder That You Are Old.

I knew I was old when I recently plucked my first gray hair…from my eyebrow. At that point, I realized I’d been coloring my hair for solong, who knows how many gray hairs I have on my head.

I knew I was old when Nate Dogg died and my younger co-worker didn’t know who Nate Dogg was.

I knew I was old when I made a Wayne’s World reference (“Hi. I’m in Delaware.”) and my other youngco-worker didn’t get it. Then I realized that movie came out when she was three.

I knew I was old when I stopped liking new music. Seriously,who writes this shit? The only stations I really like on satellite radioanymore are “90’s on 9” and “Backspin.” (Oh.Meh. Geh. I sound just like my mother.)

I knew I was old when I noticed that every teenage boy’shaircut looks ridiculous.

photo credit

I knew I was old when I refused to listen to Justin Bieber (speaking of badhair) just on principle. No one that young should make that kind of money. Plus,the kid can’t sing. At all. (Now I must go apologize to my mother for the yearsof New Kids of the Block I made her suffer through.)

I knew I was old when I balked at what teenage girls arewearing these days. When did bra straps become accessories? That’s just skanky.I spend my whole life trying to keep mine from showing and these girls purposelywalk around with bright blue bra straps poking out from under white tank tops.Our teachers would have sent us home from school if we had dared to walk inlike that – assuming our mothers didn’t see us first and make us change beforewe left the house.

I knew I was old when guys (of all ages) stopped checking meout. I swear, I haven’t had more than a passing glance in, like, five years.

I knew I was old when a twenty-eight year-old woman told methat she needed to hurry up and have kids because she wasn’t getting anyyounger. Uhhh, hello?

I knew I was old when I started making grunting noises everytime I got up off the floor, which is all the damn time now that we have a baby.

I knew I was old when the bags under my eyes could no longer be concealed with make-upand instead looked worse. (Of course, that might be due to sleep deprivationand motherhood in general rather than age. I’d love to test this theory, butthat would require at least two nights of decent sleep in a row, and that doesn’tseem likely at this point.)

But then, just when I start to feel older than dirt, my sonmakes me feel young again. Seeing the world through his eyes, everything looksbrand new and amazing. (Yes, Quinn, that’sa picture on the wall… Yes, you can pet the doggie… Yes, that’s the moon…) AndI’m seeing that picture and a dog and the moon for the first time, too. I see Q’seyes light up, and mine light up, too.

And there’s nothing like a rollicking game of “I’m Going toGet You” to get your blood pumping. Quinn laughs hysterically as he crawls awayfrom me as fast as he can, and I chase him on my hands in knees around thehouse. I finally catch him and we both collapse on the floor in a fit ofgiggles. Then he’s up, and we’re off again.

Who cares that I’m a little winded afterward?

When did you feel old for the first time?

You Should Be in Pictures

2012-01-25T00:01:00.000-08:00

Not-so-wordyWednesday: You Should Be in Pictures

I know that every mom thinks that her baby is the cutest baby on the planet. So there’s a chance that I might be just ateensy bit biased here.

But seriously,people. Look my son.

Why aren’t the Baby Gap modeling people calling my house?

Spin

2012-01-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

I never considered myself an anxious person… until I wasn’tanymore. After my divorce, a sense of peace fell over me and the noise in myhead silenced. A couple friends said they had never known me to be so calm, anduntil that moment I had never realized that I wasn’t calm before.

It’s funny – you live with something long enough and you thinkit’s normal.

I carried that peace with me for years and throughout mypregnancy, thankful that my child was going to have a calm mother who couldprovide a home with serenity and stability.

Then Quinn was born. And my old anxiety came roaring backwithout warning.

It felt so familiar, I didn’t notice it at first. I slippedback into it naturally, like an old sweater. I felt overcome with responsibility and my utter lackof qualifications to take it on. The perfectionist in me panicked.

And I began to spin.

Once again, I found myself spinning plates on poles, running frantically from one to anothertrying to keep them all balanced. The knots in my stomach tell me that I muststop this insanity. But I can’t.

photo credit

On top of these spinning plates, I balance Quinn’s needs forcomfort, brain development, stimulation (but not over-stimulation), sleep,nutrition, physical health, education, down time, play time, social skills… thelist is endless.

All of the sudden, every tiny detail became crucial. Like, Quinn’s nursery must bekept at an exact temperature, and Iobsess about what combination of heater, sleep sack andpajamas to employ. Because when everything is spinning out of control, at thevery least I can control Quinn’s temperature while he’s sleeping.

When the doctor told us that Quinn was under-weight at his nine-month appointment, I started one of my famousoverly-anal-spreadsheets attempting to document his exact calorie intake every day. Because if my son did not weightenough, it had to bebecause of something I was doing wrong.Of course, all the calorie documentation in the world couldn’t make the kidactually eat. But with my spreadsheet, I took control of what little I could.

And I carry these burdens alone. The responsibility to takeon these tasks and meet my son’s every need resides solely on me. Not that my wonderful husband doesn’t care – he cares very much aboutQuinn’s comfort, development and health, and he’s a fantastic father. But Hubs doesn't obsess about every minute detail the way I do. Like, he onlyhas one sun shade up in his car, and I have fourin mine. He doesn’thave the impossibly high standards of perfection that I have. He’s normal.

And so I spin.

I’m attempting to read this book (I can’t even find the timeto read anymore!) called Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety, by JudithWarner. I’m only in chapter two, and I don’t necessarily agree with everythingI’ve read so far, but it’s definitely given me a lot to think about. If nothing else, it’s nice to hear someone admit that anxiety and quality of life are common problems formothers (whether they go to work or stay home), and we need to do something about it. Shedescribes the feeling as “not depression or oppression, but a kind of too muchness.” That sounds about right.

In the first chapter, Warner writes:

At social events, the men and womenseparated out into two groups, the men discussing sports and stock prices and thewomen talking about their children. On vacation, the fathers took advantage of “theirtime” away from work to disappear for whole afternoons of fishing. The motherscontinued their daily grind in a new locale.

This passage resonated with me. I feel consumed by motherhood, and if I’m not consumed by it, I’m not a goodmother. Says who? I don’t know. Me, mostly. The absurdity of it is obvious onceI see these words written down. So why can’t I stop?

Because if I stop, who will obsess about the temperature inQuinn’s room or whether the sun is in his eyes in his car seat? Who will keeptrack of his calories in the spreadsheet? No one.

And so I spin.

Quinn’s Weekend Adventures: Tag Team (Back Again)

2012-01-23T00:01:00.000-08:00

It’s no secret that Hubs and I make a great team. This weekend, we each happened to have stuffplanned, so we took turns entertaining Q-man.

I went out with the girls on Friday (Yay for Mommies NightOut!), and I went to a baby shower on Saturday afternoon. So Hubs was on DaddyDuty (yes, dear, I said “duty”) quite a bit this weekend.

Quinn’s been eating and sleeping so much better since he’s back on his acid reflux medicine, but I was still a little worried aboutleaving him for so long. Not that Hubs can’t handle it – he’s a Daddy Pro now –but I know how hard it can be to deal with a cranky Q all by yourself. But theyhad a great time together, so once again, I worried for no reason.

Then on Sunday, Hubs tagged me in while he went to watch football with the guys, soit was just Quinn and Mommy yesterday. But I didn’t mind at all, and not just becauseI didn’t have to watch football all day (although that part was prettyawesome). We met a friend for a quick stroll around the mall to get out of thehouse and stay out of the rain.

This weekend felt a little weird. I couldn’t put my fingeron it at first, but then I realized it was because Hubs and I barely saw each other. I’m glad we're ableto tag each other in, and it was really nice to get a break. But I’m also gladthat weekends like this are rare. As awesome as it was spending time withfriends, Hubs is my best friend and spending time together as a family is myfavorite part of the weekend.

Here are some photos from our brief family time on Sunday morning.

See why it's so hard to leave him? So cute!

Q is ready for his close-up.

Q thinks Daddy is hoot!

Q rediscovered his Sophie.

F-R-R-R-iday!

2012-01-20T00:01:00.000-08:00

Of course, after yesterday’s post about how hard it is being a SAHM, Quinn decides to be an angel all day. He took two su-u-u-u-u-per long naps, ate everymeal like a champ, and didn’t kick me in the throat once all day. Bath time wasstill a bit challenging, but otherwise, he was a model child. I was almost sadwhen his bedtime came around. Almost.

Here are the R’s.

Recap

In Monday’s QWA, Quinn watched the playoffs with Daddy. Go Niners!

On Tuesday, I confessed my anxiety over what I’m really teaching Quinn and my fear that I’m always doing the wrong thing.

In this week’s Not-So-Wordy Wednesday, the feisty little snap dragonin our yard defied winter.

Thursday, I blew the dust off an old post I never intended for you to read. But I got a little courage fromanother blogger and changed my mind.

Referral

This week’s super awesome blogger referral is Galit from These Little Waves. Her writing?Amazing and soft. Her stories? Sweet and gentle. Her children? Adorable! She’sa well-traveled mother of threewho writes about parentingand life stuff.

I love that Galit talks about tough topics, like having an inter-faith family and celebrating the holidays. But I also love how she talks about them. How she brings you into the moment withher. It’s like she sets an extra place at the table just for you.

In a recent post, Galit encouraged her daughter to submit apoem she wrote, and the poem was published! Stop by and congratulate youngKaylie here.

Galit co-hosts a wonderful monthly link-up called Memories Captured. It’sgoing on right now, so check out all the great contributions, and if you’re feelinginspired, add one of your own!

Want to get caught up fast? Check out her beautiful 2011 review inphotos. Gorgeous! So pull up a chair and get to know Gailt this weekend. She’s a phenomenal writer and simply lovely.

Rewind

This week was kinda heavy, so let’s lighten it up a bit.Have a good laugh at this comedy of errors that all started with my incomplete blink. That is not a metaphor. I actually have an incomplete blink. Or sosays some quack doctor.

Tune in next week!

So I’m reading this book about motherhood and anxiety. I’mstarting to wonder if that was such a good idea, but it’s given me a lot tothink about. And write about. Next week I’ll share some of my thoughts aboutand experience with the anxiety that motherhood seems to bring, and I’d love tohear yours, too.

Have a good weekend, friends!
Melissa

I’m not a bad mom. I’m an honest one.

2012-01-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

I almost didn’t post this. About a month ago, I startedwriting about how hard being a SAHMis. I wrote about how I really didn’t like some parts of it, some days of it. How sometimes I just wished someone else could do this.

Then I hated myself for those words. What kind of mother doesn’t want to take careof her baby? Especially a baby as sweet and happy as mine is most of the time?I decided I was the shittiest mom on the planet and stuck the post in my draftsfolder, never intending for it to see the light of day.

Then, a couple days ago someone on Facebook posted a link tothis article. The authorwrites that being a parent is hard, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love it. Evenif we don’t love every single second, that doesn’t make us bad parents. All thecomments made me realize I’m not the only mom that feels this way. And a weightwas lifted.

So I blew the dust off my old post, spruced it up a bit, andhit “publish.” Here goes….

Some moments, I feel so close to Quinn. Like when he’snursing, I look down at his sweet face, and I wish he wasn’t almost a year old.I don’t want to stop nursing him. I know I will miss this feeling, holding himclose and being able to simultaneously give him nourishment and comfort. I wantthat moment to last forever.

Then he bites me. Or he smacks me in the face. Or he kicksme in the larynx. Or, my favorite, he pusheshis foot into my throat! While I’m dodging these flailing limbs ofdestruction, I think “Get this kid off ofme!” And I feel like crap for not wanting to nurse him anymore.

Bath time can be fun. We splash and sing and squirt water from his rubber dinosaur toys. But sometimes bath time is dreadful. He just wants to play, and he fights me when I try to actually wash him. It’s like wrestling agiant, slippery fish. “Quinn, please holdstill. Quinn, sit on your bottom. Quinn, don’t drink the bath water.” Whenit’s over, I’m exhausted and drenched.

Changing his diaper and getting him dressed also resemble awrestling match. I try to distract him with toys, songs and tickles, but sometimeshe just won’t hold still. At some point during the process, I usually gethead-butted in the teeth.

Occasionally, Quinn eats really well, sweetly opening his mouth like a little baby bird and eating every last bite. But more often than not, feeding him takes a ridiculous amount of coaxing. I sing anddance and put on a frickin’ Broadway show, but he stubbornly purses his lips and shakes his head while I chase his mouth with thespoon. One meal takes almost an hour, and I can’t believe I have to do thisfour times. Every. Single. Day.

And I’msupposed to teach him sign language during all this? Yeah, right! I barely have enough arms toaccomplish the task at hand, let alone two more to repeatedly sign “eat” and “more.”

Sometimes, I don’t want to do any of this stuff anymore. Idon’t want to nurse him or bathe him or change him or feed him. I just want toplay with him and make up games and read books and go for walks. I want to go to the park and build forts and give piggy back rides. I want tosnuggle and cuddle and smell his hair. I want to rock him until he falls asleepon my shoulder. That’s what I thought being a SAHM would be like. But the fun stuff seems like such asmall fraction of our days together.

How awful does this make me? Pretty awful, right? There mustbe something wrong with me. Or so I thought until I read “Don’t Carpe Diem” by a woman who’s sick of being told tocherish every moment because it goes by so fast. My favorite line is “I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in arow, so a whole diem is out of the question.”

Even if we could savor every moment, wouldn’t the specialones lose their value? I wouldn’t appreciate those moments when I’m nursingQuinn and he’s not kicking me in the throat if he never kicked me in the throat.I think we have to have some frustrating and exhausting moments so we canrecognize and cherish the sweet ones.

Many jobs are really hard, and people love them anyway. Evenif you don’t love every single thing about your job, you stay for areason. The same goes for the SAHM job, although I would argue that it’s harderthan any paying gig and a hundred times more rewarding.

So being a mom is hard, and sometimes I hate the hard parts.But I love my son and I love being his mom. So I don’t live in a state of mommy-blissevery moment of every day. So what? That’s doesn’t make me a bad mom. Just anhonest one.

If only every moment could be this sweet and silly.

Snap Dragon

2012-01-18T00:01:00.000-08:00

Not-so-wordyWednesday: Snap Dragon

This feisty little flower in our backyard refuses to give into winter. What’s left of this snapdragon has withstood several cold nights and a couple of good rains sofar without wilting or bending.

I like her spirit. I like looking out into the backyard fromour family room and seeing her there, surrounded by the frosted ground. It’s like she’s looking winter dead inthe face and giving it a raspberry.

Nee-ner, nee-ner, nee-ner, Old Man Winter.

What am I really teaching him?

2012-01-17T00:01:00.000-08:00

I know what it’s liketo feel like my needs do not matter. I remember the heavy weight of obligationto cater to the needs of others and the punishment inflicted when I failed todo so. I can still feel the sting of being told I’m selfish whenever I dared tovocalize a need of my own. I remember being told that my tears of pain andsadness were fake and manipulative when all I wanted was love. How dare I needsomething from someone who claimed to love me?

Although that life is far behind me now, the damage has beendone, and I’m terrified of passing it on to my son.

I never want Quinn to feel like his needs are not importantor inconvenient. I want him to have high expectations of his family, friendsand future partner. I want him to expect people who say they love him to treat him like they love him. I wantQuinn to choose people who will reciprocate his love. I want him to experiencehealthy relationships instead of choosing co-dependent ones where he alwaysgets hurt.

That’s why I hate hearing him cry. Whenever he bumps hishead or gets an obviously minor injury, I’m told not to make a big deal out ofit. If I rush to comfort him, he’ll just cry harder. But if I just brush it offand say “you’re okay, honey,” he’ll brush it off too and continue playing asthough it never happened. And that’s supposed to be a good thing. But who’s itgood for? The parents or the child?

What if by doing this I’m teaching Quinn to ignore his ownpain? What if I’m teaching him that if he expresses pain, he won’t be the toughguy that mommy and daddy want him to be, and we’ll be disappointed in him? Whatif he’s learning that his need for comfort is bad and makes him weak?

I’m told that I’m supposed to let Quinn cry at night so hecan learn to put himself to sleep. They say it will be rough for a few nights,but if we can just get through them, he’ll learn to sleep all night long. “Experts”lead me to believe that I’m a terrible mother who’s denying my child thisimportant life lesson if I cannot do this.

But what if instead of teaching him to sleep, I’m teachinghim that I don’t’ care? What if instead of learning to self-soothe, he’slearning that his cries are futile? Maybe he just falls asleep from sadness andexhaustion and not because he’s learned to soothe himself. Instead of feelingcomfort from his lovey, maybe he feels abandoned and alone.

I recently read a forum on this topic where a child behaviorspecialist’s wrote, “I believe allowing achild to cry when they are throwing a fit to get their way is very differentthan letting a baby cry and cry when all s/he wants is comfort from a caregiver...Babies are in the Trust vs. Mistrust stage of development where they developtheir sense of whether their basic needs will be met in this world and theywill be safe.”

What if Quinn learns that he cannot trust me? If I let himcry, am I proving to him I am not safe?

These are the thoughts that plague me and break my heart.

But what if I’m swinging the pendulum too far in onedirection, and I’m too focused on hisneeds? What if I’m creating a narcissistic monster who thinks his needs are theonly ones that matter, and he inflicts the same pain onto others that I oncefelt? What if he grows up to be selfish and insensitive? All because his mommyraised him to think his needs were the most important thing in the world.

How do I prevent Quinn from becoming like me without turninghim into something worse? There has to be a healthy range in the middle. I justdon’t know how to find it. How do you know if you’ve found it before it’s toolate?

These are the thoughts that plague me and break my heart.

It’s arrogant to think Hubs and I can completely control thetype of man our son grows up to be. But it’s also irresponsible to think thatwe do not play critical roles in helping to develop his character.

When these thoughts keep me up awake at night, I try toremember that Quinn comes from a strong, solid foundation with two parents wholove him madly. When worry and anxiety tighten their grip around my heart, I tryto let go and have faith that Quinn will grow up to be a loving, happy person.

And isn’t that all a mother really wants for her child?

But how do I let go and have faith when no matter what I choose, itfeels like the wrong thing?

Quinn’s Weekend Adventures: Are you ready for some football?

2012-01-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

So the 49’ers are in the playoffs, and football madness hastaken over the Bay Area. I personally don’t like football. I know that’s veryun-American – and un-Midwestern – of me, but every play looks exactly the same.

Someone hikes the ball. Someone catches it and runs. Everybodychases the guy with the ball. Everybody jumps into a big pile. How is thatdifferent from the last twenty-seven plays? Hubs tries to explain it to me, andI get how the game works. But when I try to watch it, I still can’t figure outwhat the heck just happened.

Luckily, Hubs isn’t a huge football fanatic. The game doesn’tdominate our television all season long, and for that I am grateful. One of thesexiest things about my Hubs is that he doesn’t subject me to football. Justone of the many things I love about him.

However, he does try to watch when the 49’ers are playing,and he tries to watch the playoffs. And since the 49’ers are actually in the playoffs this year, itwas a football-filled weekend.

Quinn, the littlest 49’ers fan, had a great time watchingthe game with Daddy and the guys on Saturday. We’re hoping he’s a better goodluck charm for our home team than he was for the Detroit Lions, (although they did have a pretty awesome season). Since the 49’ers won on Saturday withseconds to spare, I’d say so far so good.

On Sunday, Quinn threw the football around with Daddy. Theywere allowed to play in the house since it’s just a small, soft football, and Qmostly just chews on it anyway. (You can’t tell in this picture, but it’s aDetroit Lions football, courtesy of my dad, Quinn’s Grandpa Rocky.)

For me, February 5^th can’t get here fast enough.Everyone around here hopes we’ll celebrate a 49’ers Super Bowl championship thatday, but I’ll just celebrate the end of another football season. So no matterwho wins, I’m happy.

What about you? Are you a football fan or a football widow?

F-R-R-R-iday!

2012-01-13T00:01:00.000-08:00

It hardly feels like January here in the Bay Area. It’ssunny and sixty-five degrees. I bought Quinn a nice warm jacket, expecting itto be cold and rainy in December and January, but he outgrew it without wearingit once. So we had to buy him a new one in a bigger size. It’s gotta get coldeventually.

Here are the R’s.

Recap

In Monday’s QWA, Quinn had a great time on vacation in Monterey.

On Tuesday, I shared why I’ll probably never be a big blogger, and I received kind, supportive commentsfrom many of you. Thank you!

In this week’s Not-So-Wordy Wednesday, Q plays with the lids to the pots and pans, and Daddy captured a pretty funny photo.

Thursday, I shared seven things you may not know about me and passed on an award to ten lovelybloggers you should definitely check out!

Referral

photo credit

This week’s super awesome blogger referral is Tiffany from Elastamom’s Excerpts. I love the mental imageof an “Elastamom.” I picture the mom from The Incredibles, theanimated super-hero family. Every mom should possess Elastagirl’s super power.

Please meet the mom who does.

Elastamom is an excellent mom, wife and blogger, and I’m so glad Ifound her website. Her oldest child, Olivia, has Cri Du Chat Syndrome, a rare geneticdisease, and she is the inspiration behind many of Elastamom’s stories. (Thisrecent post about Olivia had me reaching for the tissues.) She also has two awesome littleboys who love their big sister and keep everyone laughing.

Elastamom’s most recent post shocked me. She shared a memory of her fatherthat took a lot of courage. Her story sparked so much emotion in me, I wantedto go punch the guy. That’s some good writing.

So stretch out on couch with Elastamom this weekend. She’sincredible.

Rewind

I didn’t make a specific new year’s resolution to get inshape since that seems to be on my mind all year long. In June last year, I launched Operation B4.It’s going okay, but the results are slow. I’m basically just maintaining atthis point. I need more time to go to the gym, but I don’t know how to makethat happen. Two or three hours a week isn’t cutting it.

Tune in next week!

I’ll share my concerns about what my parenting choices are teachingQuinn and some other anxieties about motherhood. Any advice from moreexperienced moms would be well received! Or you can at least commiserate withme. That would be just fine too.

Have a good weekend, friends!
Melissa

Betcha Didn’t Know

2012-01-12T00:01:00.000-08:00

The wonderful and fantastic Literal Mom bestowed upon me a neat little award.

Here’s how it works:

Thank the blogger who gave you theaward.

List seven things people may notknow about you.

Pass the award onto fifteen bloggersand notify them.

Post the badge on your blog.

So, big sloppy thanks to you, Literal Mom! (I know, I’ve talked her up before.) I’mhonored to receive this award, especially from a blogger that I admire as muchas her. And it’s not just because we’re both named Melissa, although that doesboost our combined awesomeness. If you have a chance, read her seven things. They’re funny. Andgross. You’ll like them.

Here are seven things you might not already know about moí. It was actually sorta difficultto come up with this list. I’m pretty much an open book and probably blather onabout myself entirely too much. If there’s something about me you don’t alreadyknow, it’s for a good reason and will likely stay that way. But I did my bestto come up with seven new, non-super-secret, tidbits.

1. One: I have an irrational hatred for glitter andanything covered in glitter. Greeting cards, Christmas ornaments, make-up,strippers… I hate it all. If I could rid the planet of one thing, it would beglitter. I could write an entire post about my hatred for glitter. In fact, Ithink I will. The world needs to know about this sparkly menace.

2. Two: I've been a SAHM for ten months now and lovedevery minute of it, but sometimes I really miss my big-girl job. Like manymoms, I want both. I’m toying with the idea of doing independent consulting,just part-time for now. I have no clue where I will find the time, so if anyonehas any advice, please holla!

3. Three: On a serious note, I’ve yet to muster up thecourage to write about my post partum depression after Quinn was born. I haveseveral drafts in progress, but I can’t seem to find the words. Maybe enoughtime has gone by now and I’ll try to write about it again. Or maybe the fog isstill lingering on my horizon, and I need to wait for it to lift completelybefore the words will come.

4. Four: As related to #3, I have pretty bad anxiety whenit comes to Quinn. I’m constantly stressing and second-guessing myself. I canspiral into a tizzy with my “what if’s” within seconds. I had hoped that my new“let go” philosophy wouldcarry me through motherhood, but so far, the old anxious me is back in thedriver’s seat. But more about that in a future post....

5. Five: I almost named this blog after a porno movie.Entirely by accident, of course. I had a great name all picked out for my newblog, and I was super excited about it. Then I did some quick research and discoveredthat name was already taken… by a Swedish porno. The even funnier thing is I can’teven remember what the name of it was now. I could try to jar my memory and doanother search, but I’m not sure I’ll like what I find!

6. Six: In eighth grade, I won a geography bee. Like aspelling bee, but I answered geography questions. At that time I could namedamn near every country on the planet and its capital and point to it on a map.I could also name islands and seas and mountains and a bazillion othergeographical features. Now, all that knowledge has been replaced with baby stuff.I no longer remember the capital of Botswana, but I know how to get a poopstain out of sweater. You tell me which one comes in handy more often.

7. Seven: I can wiggle my ears. For real. I can even wiggle one at a time. People ask mehow I do it, and I don’t really know. The same way you move your arms and legs.My brain tells my ears to move, and they do. Freaky.

Whew! Okay, glad that part’s over. Now onto the fun part.Here are the fabulous bloggers I’m passing this award on to.

Sluiter Nation

Life by Cynthia

Our Crazy Boys

By Word of Mouth Musings

Elastamom's Excerpts

Farewell, Stranger

Good Day, Regular People

JDaniel4’s Mom

Accidentally By Design

These Little Waves

Like Literal Mom,I only picked ten. Not that I don’t love more than these ten beautiful blogs,but fifteen just seemed excessive. So read these ladies! They’re fascinating.

Fun with lids

2012-01-11T00:01:00.000-08:00

Not-so-wordyWednesday: Fun with lids

I call this artistic photograph “Quinn’s reflection in thepots and pans lid as he chews on the handle.” Because that’s what it is. It’salso hilarious – at least to me.

My Hubs managed to capture this photo. Living with these twoguys is a riot!

Here are some more gratuitous photos of our Curious Quinn fromthe day he discovered the drawer under the oven where we keep the lids.

Small potatoes

2012-01-10T00:01:00.000-08:00

It didn’t take me long to figure out that I’m probably nevergoing to be a big-time blogger. I’ll probably never have thousands of followersor get paid buku bucks for mymad writing skills. I’ll probably never have thousands of comments on everypost or other bloggers falling all over themselves to get a piece of me.

But that’s okay. Really. It is. I don’t have the time orgumption to do what it apparently takes to reach such an elite status.

I’m not blowing upTwitter.

Twitter is awesome. It’s also the world’s biggest time-suck.I get on once or twice a day. Every now and then I might tweet something besides a link to my daily blog post,but not often. Every now and then, I’ll retweet something that just happens toappear in the ten most recent tweets, but not often. I just don’t have time tosit on Twitter all day.

I also don’t get into long conversations on Twitter. Duringone of my brief perusals, I’ll see three or four people having a long,hilarious (or sometimes serious) conversation, and I’ll wonder “How do they find the time for this?” Afew times, I have replied to a tweet that I thought was particularly clever orinteresting, and even fewer times that reply has launched into a conversation.But I think I can count on one hand the number of times that’s happened.

I just feel odd striking up conversations with completestrangers. Perhaps this is my lack of confidence shining through, but I worrythat my reply would somehow obligate them to talk to me. They would be kind enoughto do so out of guilt, like when someone you don’t really know plops down atyour lunch table. You might chat for a few minutes, but you secretly hope theydon’t sit there again tomorrow. I don’t want Twitter pity, so I usually play itsafe and stick to people I know. Just like in my real life.

I’m not a greatcommenter.

I adore and follow many wonderful bloggers, and I readalmost every post. Sometimes I have to get caught up after a week or two ofneglect (because life happens), but I really do try to catch up. This isusually accomplished from my phone while I’m nursing Q-man, which is often myonly moment of stillness during the day.

I want to commenton every post I read, but sometimes it’s hard to leave comments from my phone.What I want to say is often too long to type with one thumb and the interfaceof some blogs’ mobile sites are a bit cumbersome.

So I’ll think “As soonas I get back to my laptop, I’m going to comment on these posts.” But bythe time I get back to my laptop, my head is full of to-do’s and I’m on to thenext thing. And so my favorite bloggers never even know I was there.

I don’t know how touse my stats.

I know only the basics that are displayed right in front ofme. For example, I know how many followers I have on Twitter and GFC, and I know how many people like my Facebook page, but only becausethat information is right there when I log in. I have no idea how many peoplesubscribe via email and RSS because that requires more than a quick glance tothe right.

Since Blogger changed its interface, I can now easily seehow many page views each post has, which I never investigated before. So now Iknow each post gets a couple hundred views, and that’s pretty cool. (Except forthis one that has over 27,000views. Upon further investigation, I realized that a bunch of people in the UKwere Googling “Sloth” and “Goonies” and my post came up in their results. Kindafunny.)

Even if I did a better job of tracking all my stats,examining trends and discovering the highest traffic sources, I wouldn’t reallyknow how to use that information to get more people over here.

I’m not a stalker.

Finally, I don’t fall all over big-time bloggers hoping they’llthrow me a bone. If a post has over 100 comments, I assume there’s no way theblogger has time to read them all and I usually don’t bother leaving one. I don’thave time to stalk blogosphere celebrities, although I’m sure they’re lovelypeople.

My readers and followers are few, but I like to think of youall as a small, but elite group with sophisticated blog taste. (Humor me, willyou?) Maybe someday when Quinn is older and more self-sufficient, I’ll be ableto put effort into attracting more followers. But until then, I’m fine withjust being small potatoes.

Quinn’s Week-long Adventures: Monterey Vacation

2012-01-09T00:01:00.000-08:00

Quinn’s ~~Weekend~~Week-long Adventures: Monterey Vacation

Hubs, Baby Boy and Ispent the first week of 2012 on a mini-vacation in Monterey. We rented a smallhouse just a block up from Cannery Row and the aquarium, and we spent the weekhanging out together as a family.

You never know how babies are going to do on vacation and outof their usual element, but Quinn did great. He slept well, ate well and washis usual angel-like self. He had a great time exploring the small house, so wehad to do some make-shift baby-proofing – fast!

On Monday, we went for a long walk along the path that runsalong the bay from Monterey all the way down to Pacific Grove. Quinn likedlooking at the water and all the ~~flying rodents~~ seagulls.

On Tuesday, we went back to the aquarium. Hubs was happy tobe there with us this time. Here, Q and Daddy watch the otters get their dailysnacks.

Q was once again mesmerized by all the cool sea life.

On Wednesday, Hubs (who is, to review, awesome in every way)surprised me with a massage and body scrub at a nearby spa. (And when I saynearby, I mean we could see the spa from our kitchen window.) While I enjoyed my twohours of heaven, Q went for a walk along the water with Daddy… in his pajamas.

On Thursday, we took a family hike at Point Lobos, one ofour favorite places to walk and take pictures. It was a gorgeous day, perfectfor watching the waves crash on the rocks.

Q stops for a little ocean-side snack.

Being in Monterey for the week really made me think abouthow we spend time together as a family. We didn’t really do that much – we cookedmost of our own meals at the house, went for several walks, strolled downCannery Row and looked at a few shops, and of course, hit up a couple happyhours and checked out the local brewery (because that’s what we do). Everynight after Q went to sleep, Hubs and I snuggled on the couch and got caught upon the latest season of Dexter.

It was a relatively low-key vacation. And it was perfect. Iwonder why we had to go on vacation for a week to do that. I think another goalfor 2012 will be to have more weeks like that as a family without having toleave our home – weeks where we put our errands and to-do lists aside, take along pause, and focus on each other.

F-R-R-R-iday!

2012-01-06T00:01:00.000-08:00

It’s been a wonderful week in Monterey. I’m a little bummedwe have to go home today. We had a great time just being together as a littlefamily.

It’s also been wonderful having the Hubs home these last twoweeks. Q and Daddy had lots of good bonding time – playing together, going forwalks, singing silly songs. It will be sad to see him go back to work onMonday. I think he’ll miss us as much as we’ll miss him.

Here are the R’s.

Recap

In Monday’s QWA, Quinn celebrated his firstNew Year’s Eve.

On Tuesday, I shared my new year’s resolutions to clean upshop.

In this week’s Not-So-Wordy Wednesday, you saw the “Q-thousand-twelve”calendar I made.

Thursday, you read a sweet letterfrom my baby boy, who had a little help from Daddy.

Referral

I don’t have a referral this week. I know, lame. It’s thefirst F-R-R-R-iday of a new year, and I don’t have anyone to send you off tothis weekend. I just haven’t had much time to catch up with my favorite blogsthis week since we’ve been on vacation. I spent quality time with Quinn and theHubs instead of being glued to my laptop (so I don’t feel too guilty about it).Next week, I’ll get caught up and refer you to someone extra awesome. Pinkyswear.

Rewind

My first post in 2011 was called New Endings– about how things have to end before new things can begin. So many old thingshave ended now that we’re parents, but the new stuff that’s begun has beenincredible. I wonder what new endings and beginning 2012 will bring.

Tune in next week!

Okay, I’m finally goingto write that post about why I’ll never be a big blogger. I know I promisedthat one eons ago, but it’s going up next week. For real this time. I also gota very sweet award from a fellow blogger that I will share and pass on to a fewof my faves. Whoo hoo!

Hope your 2012 is off to a phenomenal start!

Have a good weekend, friends!
Melissa

Dear Mommy

2012-01-05T00:01:00.000-08:00

Before our son was even born, I wrote several letters to himon this blog – before we knew he was a him,when he was still our LBK.

So for Christmas, my wonderful, amazing husband helped our almost-ten-month-oldbaby boy write a letter to me. Theletter came with this aquamarine ring, the birthstone that Quinn and I share.(I guess Santa dropped my note where the Hubs would find it.)

The ring alone is a fabulous gift, but this letter fromQuinn is sweeter than any gift I could have asked for. Want to read it? You mayneed a tissue first. I wish I had one when I read it. Go ahead and grab one, I’llwait…

Okay, here it goes:

Dear Mommy,

How can I tell the greatest mom inthe world how much she means to me? What kind of gift tells you how much I needyou? I tried asking all the toys that you have given to me in the past 10months. You know, the ones that magically move and talk whenever you are aroundand make me smile and laugh for hours? They were oddly silent, as they usuallyare when you are not in the room.

So I decided that maybe the bathtubthat you so lovingly bathe me in every night could help me figure out what toget you for Christmas. Alas, it just sat and held the warm water that youalways make sure is the right temperature and that I splash your nice clotheswith until you are drenched.

So I thought that the spoon thatyou feed me with, everyday without fail, might know. The one that you make surefills my tummy first before you even start your meal. However when it came timefor me to ask it, you read me a book indicating that it may have run away withthe dish.

I was beginning to worry that youmay never know how much I love you. I tried one last time by asking daddy how Icould show you how much you mean to me. For once, he was helpful…

Daddy told me that when he wantedto show you how much he loved you, he bought you a special ring. A ring thatwould keep the two of you close even though he can’t be next to you all thetime. A ring that would remind you of his love even when he was far away fromus. A ring that would let you know that he was yours forever.

After listening to daddy explainthe ring he gave you, I thought that it might be a good place to start trying totell you how much I love you and that I will be your son forever.

Love, Quinn

Yeah, I know. I bawled, too. Oh, how I love these boys. My cup runneth over.

Happy Q-thousand-twelve!

2012-01-04T00:01:00.000-08:00

Not-so-wordyWednesday: Happy Q-thousand-twelve!

With my new digital scrapbooking software, I designed a Quinn calendar for the grandparents forChristmas. I called “Q-thousand-twelve.” (Credit for the clever title goes tothe Hubs, from whom flows most of the cleverness in our house.)

Here’s a look at the calendar pages I designed.

This calendar was a lot of fun to make, and I’m kinda proudof it. Not too shabby for my first attempt at digital scrapbooking, eh?

I hosted a giveaway for this software in November, but I’m not sure I’ll do anotherone. Don’t get me wrong – I love getting free stuff, and I really love giving you free stuff… but it wasn’t super fun to blog about.

I don’t know... What do you think? Do you want to see more giveaways andcontests at “A Wide Line?”

Personally, I'm a little disenchanted when blogs seem to be 90% productreviews and giveaways. I want to hear their stories and get lost in their writing. Soeven if I do host future giveaways, that’s not what this blog is about.

Anyhoot, if you think these calendar pages are awesome (why,thank you!) and you want to make your own, here’s a promo code for $10 off thesoftware purchase. Go to the MyMemories website and enter code STMMMS53909at checkout.

Also, I apologize that this week’s Not-So-Wordy Wednesday iswordier than usual. Next week, I promise, I’ll shut up.

Happy Q-thousand-twelve!

Cleaning Up Shop

2012-01-03T00:01:00.000-08:00

It’s the start of a new year – a time when many of us committo making self-improvements. Last year, I didn’t make any specific new year’sresolutions, but this year I need to make some changes.

I’m a parent now, which means it’s time clean up shop and do something about my potty mouth, the music I listen to, and the television showsI watch. Quinn’s almost ten months-old, and he already understands so much ofwhat we say. We’re role models now. Yikes.

The hardest resolution to keep will be cleaning up mylanguage. It’s appalling some of the words that come out of my mouth,especially when I’m driving. I call people d-bags all the time. Not a nice wordfor my son to learn from his mother. If I drop something on the floor, I muttera “dammit” or an even f-bomb.

Quinn can sometimes be a little… aggressive… with hisaffection, so I get bitten, slapped, scratched, head butted, poked in the eye and kicked inthe throat every day. And sometimes it really, really hurts, and an “aw,shit!” escapes from under my breath.

The phrase “that sucks” is commonly heard around our house,too. I’ve been so desensitized to it, I’d forgotten how vulgar the term reallyis.

I need to come up with nicer placeholder words so I canbreak this nasty habit. Of course, I still plan on cussing in this blog. You know,just for emphasis. Because it’s my blog, dammit, and Quinn won’t read thisuntil he’s much older, if ever.

The music I listen to isn’t great either. We have satelliteradio in the car, so my beloved hip-hop comes to me unedited. I already stoppedlistening to those stations when Quinn is with me, which is 99% of the time,but sometimes I still turn them on at a low volume when he falls asleep in thecar seat. Bad mommy. (Hubs has already stopped listening toHoward-A**hole-Stern when he’s driving around with Q. Right, honey? Right?)

It’s not just the language in the songs that I need to payattention to, but their content as well. Sometimes I’ll just be singing along,and the lyrics hit me all of the sudden and I wonder why I never paid attentionto them before. Even if the dirty words are bleeped out, the topic of the songmight not be suitable for young ears.

For example, there are a couple kids’ stations on satelliteradio that play pop music (some of which I can tolerate, most of which Icannot), and I heard Katy Perry’s “Last Friday Night” on that station. Sincewhen is a song about a one-night stand appropriate for children? And don’t evenget me started on how much I dislike Katy Perry and wish she would stop (or start?) making music.

Starting now, my music will be reserved for my iPod only,and I will listen to it while I’m at the gym working on Operation B4.

Finally, some of the television shows I watch are justhorrid. Not that I have time to watch TV anymore, but every now and then I getto watch one of my shows on the DVR while Q’s asleep and I’m folding laundry orsomething. I love CSI: (the originalone in Las Vegas) and Criminal Minds. Someof the scenes in these shows can be just grotesque, not to mention theirsubject matter.

I vow not to watch them(or any others involving brutal murders, rotting corpses, slutty moms who sell drugs, likable serial killers, etc.) while Q is awake. When he’s older andcan operate the DVR, I’ll have to figure out the parental controls, but that isanother resolution for another year.

I don’t have the TV on much during the day anyway. If I do, Sesame Street or The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That is occasionally on in thebackground, and Quinn doesn’t pay much attention until they start singing. Inthe evening when Hubs gets home, is when we really need to make some changes toour television viewing.

Quinn loves the intro song to The Cleveland Show. It’s kinda catchy, plus it’s a cartoon, so hestops whatever he’s doing and stares at the TV when it comes on. That was sortof funny at first, but now I think he’s old enough that he shouldn’t watch it.That’s just one of the many shows that shouldn’t be on while Q’s awake. Thatmeans no more Tosh.0, Family Guy, or South Park either. (Sorry, Hubs.)

And the Parents of Year Award goes to...

What resolutions did you make for 2012? And what child-friendly wordsdo you say instead of cuss words at your house?

Quinn’s Weekend Adventures: Happy New Year!

2012-01-02T00:01:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year,everyone! I hope your 2012 is off to a fantastic, hangover-free start. Quinncelebrated his first New Year at home with Mommy and Daddy.

We had a couple of tempting New Year’s Eve invitations, butHubs and I decided to spend the evening at home with our little one. We had alovely dinner, just the three of us. Hubs cooked ribs. I cut up a fresh saladfor us. We even had fancy bread.

Quinn watched a little of The Cat in the Hat before bed. He’s mesmerized when the“thingamajigger is up and away.”

He also had a little playtime fun with Daddy to get all hisgiggles out before bedtime.

After Q-man went to sleep, Hubs and I opened a nice bottleof champagne we had been saving for a special occasion. He opened it in thegarage so the loud, celebratory POPwouldn’t wake up Q.

Then we drank champagne, ate some Dibs ice cream bites fordessert, and played cards. We realized that we hadn’t played cards since wewere passing the time at the hospital almost ten months ago waiting for Quinnto make his debut. We felt like us againfor a couple of hours that night, and it was lovely.

We managed to stay awake until the ball dropped, but justbarely. Shortly after midnight, this new mommy and daddy duo wearily staggeredto bed.

On New Year’s Day, our little Q-man didn’t get the memo thatMommy and Daddy were up way past their usual bedtime, and he woke up bright andearly at 6:30. So with toothpicks propping our eyelids open, this new mommy anddaddy duo wearily staggered out of bed long before we wanted to.

Quinn is starting to understand the concept of mirrors andreflection. When he sees something moving in the mirror, he instantly whips hishead around to see what’s going on behind him. Q knows now that that’s him inthe mirror, and he loves touching and laughing at his reflection. Yesterday, hecrawled over to the mirror for the first to check out himself out. Too cute.

The three of us are spending the first week of 2012 inMonterey. We rented a quaint little cottage just a block up from Cannery Row.We have plans to go to the aquarium, take a stroll through Point Lobos andspend quality time together as a family. I’m looking forward to a peaceful andrelaxing week, which you will undoubtedly see photos of in next week’s QWA.

How did you spend your first New Year’s Eve as parents? Do youremember?

F-R-R-R-iday!

2011-12-30T00:01:00.000-08:00

After all the hoopla and anticipation, another holidayseason has come and gone. I hope everyone had a fabulous holiday. Q-man had abusy and exciting first Christmas, and I thoroughly enjoyed my ChristmasBlog-cation. Aside from feeling fat and disgusting from eating too manyChristmas cookies, I am relaxed, refreshed and ready to face 2012. Here are the R’s from my first week back.

Recap

On Tuesday, you saw a whole bunch of baby adorableness from Quinn’s first Christmas QWA.

In this week’s Not-So-Wordy Wednesday, Q tried to eat your face.

Thursday, we had a 2011 Year in Review, and I posted links to my favorite posts from every month ofthe year.

Referral

This week’s super awesome blogger referral is StephanieKlein from “Stephanie Klein’s Greek Tragedy.”Years ago, before I even knew what a blog was, my dear friend sent me a link tothis blog. Greek Tragedy is the first blog I ever started following, and I havebeen a loyal fan ever since. Plus, she loves gift wrapping and anticipation as much as I do, sowhat’s not to love?

Stephanie Kleinis the author of two books, Straight Up and Dirty and Moose.Both are great, and Straight Up andDirty is one of my all-time favorites. She tells the story of her jerk-offex-husband (“the Wasband”) and theirfailed marriage. She shares the pain of her divorce and the challenges ofstarting her life over again. Let’s just say, I can relate. More than a littlebit. Plus, the book is funny! And alittle dirty, so if you blush easily, read it in private.

In her blog, Stephanie Klein shares her new life with us. Weget to meet her wonderful husbandand adorable twins, whom she lovingly refers to as “The Beans.” Her writing is not just funny.Sometimes it’s side-splitting, knee-slapping, laugh-until-you-can’t-breathefunny. You may actually snort. Don’t say I didn't warn you.

In addition to entertaining stories, anecdotes and commentaries,Stephanie posts about food yumminess,travel, party ideas, awesome photos and other good stuff. She also gives excellent life and relationshipadvice. She’sserious about the tough love.

So when you’re sitting around on New Year’s Day, pouryourself a little hair of the dog and get all caught up with Stephanie Klein. You’llbe in good company, since she’ll probably have some wine with you.

Rewind

In January 2011, I wrote a trilogy about my worst job ever. I didn’t know it was going to be a trilogy when I startedwriting it, but there was just so much drama for one post. Now, I’ve come fullcircle and I have the best job ever. Ah, happiness…

Tune in next ~~week~~year!

I got the sweetest Christmas gift from my Hubs and baby boy.I’ll tell you all about it on Thursday, so have some tissues handy. We’ll alsohave a little discussion about New Year’s resolutions, and hopefully you’llshare yours, too.

Be careful out there on Saturday night. The crazies will beout in full force.

Have a safe and Happy New Year, friends!
Melissa

2011 – Let’s review, shall we?

2011-12-29T00:01:00.000-08:00

At the end of every year, I marvel at how fast the year wentby. Each year seems to go by faster than the one before. And just when I thinktime cannot possibly speed by any faster, it’s December 31^st again.

But this year, I mean it. 2011 really has gone by fasterthan any other year. For real this time. And what a year it was. Let’s review,shall we?

January: I wrotea lengthy post called “Pulling a Pam” about how I stopped living my life for other people. This post was atough one for me to write, and I’m so appreciative of the outpouring of supportI received after posting it.

February: Hey,remember that time everyone in the childbirth class stared at my ass? “Okay, Come Look at My Butt” got a lot of laughs at my expense.

March: I onlywrote one post in March, “Our Baby Un-shower.” Q-man was born three weeks early, so March gotunexpectedly busy…

April: My “Quinn” postshared the news of our baby boy with the world, and I posted my first QWA.

May: Mygrandmother was such a big part of my life. “Grandma Games” is one of my favorite posts.

June: Life wouldbe so different if Hubs and I weren’t parents in “If Life Had No Q.”

July: “Splitting Hairs” was my first (and favorite) Not-So-Wordy Wednesday post, and I’vedone one every Wednesday since (unless I’m on a Blog-cation, of course).

August: Augustwas a BIG month. I started my daily blogschedule, I wrote a trilogy on my germophobia, and I officially quit my corporate gig to be astay-at-home-mommy in “My New Office.”

September: Quinnturned six months-old, and I wrote my first “To LBK”post since his birth. I also shared my struggle with adjusting tostay-at-home-mom life in “SAHM vs. HW.”Good thing I have “My Roadie”by my side.

October: Hubs andI celebrated our two-year wedding anniversary, and I told you all about “Our Wedding Story.”

November: Iapologized to all my non-mom friends and family (and explained why my Facebookstatus updates suck now) in “Not a Non-Mom.” In honor of Thanksgiving, I described what I am most “Grateful”for.

December: Ishared two childhood memories in “Winter” and “The Countdown Begins.” I also wrote another “To LBK” post to Quinn when he turned nine months-old.

I’ve met some fantastic people in the blogosphere this year –many of whom have inspired me, encouraged me and challenged me. I’m gratefulfor each of you who read my words and share your stories with me. I wish youall happiness, peace and joy in 2012.

This post is inresponse to this week’s writing prompt from Mama Kat: “This year in blog posts…choose one from each month of 2011 and share.” Yes, I know I cheated and linkedmore than one post for some months. I’m a rule-bender.

All Quinn Wants For Christmas…

2011-12-28T00:01:00.000-08:00

Not-so-wordy Wednesday: All Quinn Wants For Christmas…

… is his two front teeth. And he got ‘em. Here, he gives us a good look at his new toofers, of which he is quite proud.

He’s either trying to give you a kiss... or eat your face. Either way, hilarious!

Quinn’s Weekend Adventures: First Christmas

2011-12-27T00:01:00.000-08:00

Christmas takes on a whole new meaning once you have kids. Q-man is only nine months-old, but watching him experience Christmas made the holiday even more meaningful.

Here’s Quinn’s first Christmas. Hope you enjoy it as much as he did.

I know we did.

Christmas Eve is the big hoopla for my husband’s extended family. This year, everyone gathered at his aunt and uncle’s house. Q was ~~scared out of his mind~~ a little cautious at first, walking into a room full of people staring at him. But he quickly warmed up and turned on the charm.

How cute are Q and his cousin in their argyle sweater vests!

As exhausted as we were when we got home, we remembered to leave out some cookies for Santa. And some wine. Not sure we’ll be able to get away with this next year.

Christmas morning, Q woke up at his usual 6:30 a.m., only this time we didn’t mind at all. The three of us headed out to the living room to see what goodies Santa delivered.

Q actually had more fun pulling all the bows off the presents and trying to climb up the Christmas tree. This might be my favorite part of the day, watching him explore and crawl all over everything.

After Q’s much-needed morning nap, we headed over to Namma and Poppa’s house for a Christmas brunch and a LOT more presents.

Look at this cute little rocking giraffe my mother-in-law found! It goes with the giraffe theme in Quinn’s nursery, and he loves sitting in it.

Then the three of us headed back home to open the rest of our presents. Quinn was a big help.

I received an extra special gift from my son this Christmas, which I will tell you all about next week. Be sure to have a box of tissues handy! I wish I had some when I opened it.

Q’s first Christmas was everything I had hoped it would be. I loved spending time with our new little family. My Hubs and baby boy are the only gifts I need.

Christmas Blog-cation

2011-12-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

Some days, I really miss being a student. Students have built in breaks – spring break, summer break, Christmas break, Easter break, four-day weekends sprinkled in here and there, random “teacher in service” days, snow days, “ski week” (Seriously, what the hell is “ski week?” We never had that.), etc. Work completely stops during these breaks.

It’s not like adulthood and having a real-world job. You only get a break when you take time off work, and you have to work long enough to earn that time off. Unlike when you were in school, work still continues while you’re gone. You have so much prep to do before your vacation and so much catching up to do afterward, it’s almost not even worth it. Almost.

Then, when you become a parent, there’s really no such thing as a break. Your work that was once forty hours per week is now 24/7. That baby doesn’t know that it’s Saturday and gets up at his usual early hour. He doesn’t know it’s after five-o-clock and time to slow down and chill. There’s no sleeping in, no slowing down, no chilling. You’re a parent now, and you’re on. All. The. Time. Even on vacation.

And to think there was a time when I couldn’t wait to be a grown-up. Kids have no idea what they’re in for.

So as adults, as parents, we need to latch on to any break time we can get. We need to force ourselves to slow down, reprioritize and let some stuff go. Our sanity is at stake.

That’s why I’m taking a little bloggy break this week – a Christmas Blog-cation, if you will. As much as I love writing, it’s not always easy posting five days a week. It actually gets a little stressful at times.

Then I remember that I can actually not post if I want to. The only obligation to keep up this sometimes-hectic blog schedule is to myself. There are very few things in my life I have control over, and so I often forget that my blog is one of those things. I can actually take a break whenever I need to, and that’s okay. Wow, that feels liberating. The goal is to be relaxed and refreshed when I return, and hopefully that will be reflected in my writing.

What will I do with myself this week? I’m going to focus on my family and getting ready for Christmas. I’m going to bake some cookies, take time to chat on the phone with family and friends, and start tackling some other projects (like Quinn’s baby book, which I have still not started after nine months). I’m going to spend evenings with my husband – with my laptop closed. (Crazy talk!) I hope he’s okay with that.

I’ll be back with a QWA on Tuesday, December 27 and tell you all about Quinn’s first Christmas. Then we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming. Until I decide to take another blog-cation, which I think I will allow myself to do a bit more often.

I hope your holiday is merry and bright!

F-R-R-R-iday!

2011-12-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

It’s tough being sick and being a mommy at the same time. Especially when your little one is sick, too. Quinn shared his cold with me, so the snot level in our house doubled over the last week. And we all know that sick babies have a hard time sleeping, so that means mommy doesn’t get any sleep either. (So, friends and family, I apologize for not returning phone calls lately. You see, I am a zombie.)

From all the blowing and wiping and sniffling, Q and I have matching red noses. While my Rudolf nose is quite festive, is certainly not attractive. Not unlike a hideous holiday sweater. Except it’s on my face.

Luckily, we're both on the mend, and I’m predicting better sleep for everyone tonight. At least we got this yuckiness out of the way before Christmas, right? Here are the R’s.

Recap

On Monday, Quinn met Santa Claus in this week’s QWA.

On Tuesday, I wrote another letter to LBK in honor of his first Christmas and turning a whopping nine months old.

In this week’s Not-So-Wordy Wednesday, you saw the outtakes of a disastrous group photo attempt.

Thursday, I finished up all the wrapping, and I’m now ready to move on to the yummy part of Christmas!

Referral

This week’s super awesome blogger referral is Alexandra (a.k.a. “The Empress”) from Good Day, Regular People. This blogger cracks my ass up! I mean, you’d expect nothing less from a blog with a name like that, right? Alexandra’s empire is made up of three lively boys, so there’s the fodder for her hilarity right there. Her youngest boy takes over every Monday and writes his own posts. Isn’t that awesome?

What’s it like being the only woman in her empire? Like this. Laugh along with her because I’m sure her story resembles your own! Check out her short series called “When Someone You Love Has a Blog.” If you’re a blogger, you’ll find it hysterical. If you’re the spouse of a blogger, maybe not so much. She’s nice enough to have all her best posts listed out to get you started, but don’t stop there. This one is one of my favorites and should be on that list.

I’m not the only one who thinks Alexandra is a hoot and a half. She’s the 2011 Blogher Voice of the Year for humor. Take a stroll through her empire this weekend, and I’m sure you’ll see why.

Rewind

Quinn made a place for himself before he was even born. On Christmas night 2010, I washed up the tiny baby clothes I had received so far, neatly folded them up and placed them in the baby’s brand new dresser. The room was just starting to look like a nursery last Christmas. Now, Q’s formerly pristine nursery is very much lived in! 2011 has gone by ridiculously fast.

Tune in next week!

But only on Monday. That’s right. I’m taking a bloggy break next week. I’ll tell you all about it on Monday, but that will be the last you’ll hear from me for a week. Hey, I heard that sigh of relief! Just kidding.

Have a great weekend, friends! Happy holidays!
Melissa

Shopping and wrapping and baking! Oh my!

2011-12-15T00:01:00.000-08:00

Christmas is less than two weeks away, and we’re almost ready for Quinn’s first yuletide celebration. The shopping is finally done, mostly from the comfort of my couch, in my slippers, on my laptop. I love me some Amazon Prime.

The final fruits of my online shopping frenzy will arrive today. Then I can ship my family’s gifts to Michigan and Chicago. Just in time without having to pay up the wahzoo for expedited shipping. Whew!

Last night, I got everything else wrapped up in sparkly paper. I know I already told you how much I love wrapping presents, but I seriously love wrapping presents.

Last year, when Quinn was still our LBK, he had all kinds of presents under the tree. I thought he was spoiled then. This year… yowza. He’s made an even bigger place for himself. His gifts take up at least ninety-percent of our under-the-tree real estate. I wish I could blame his grandparents – and I totally can because they spoil him rotten – but I may have had a little something to do with it, too. What can I say? I love the little guy.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Melissa, Christmas is still over a week away? With all the shopping and wrapping done, what will you do with yourself? Much to the Hubs’ relief, I will resist the urge to keep buying and wrapping more presents. Instead, I will bake Christmas cookies.

Last year, I went a little overboard with the cookie baking. I busted out my mom’s recipes and went bananas. I spent several evenings and weekends sifting, mixing ~~and burning myself~~ and baking. I annihilated the kitchen with flour and sugar, dirtying every bowl I could find. Hubs would come home to find me covered in flour and ~~eating cookie dough~~ carefully arranging cookies on festive plates to give to our friends and neighbors. Our house smelled good.

The funny thing is I didn’t even know I liked baking until I started making cookies. I might have been nesting. A little bit.

To be honest, I don’t actually like baking. You’ll never see me make a cake that doesn’t come from a mix in a pretty red box. But there’s something about Christmastime. Festive cookies – made from scratch and love – are part of what makes the holiday special.

Maybe that’s because my mom and I always baked cookies at Christmastime when I was growing up. Today, I bake the same cookie recipes, and I want Quinn to have the same happy memories. I want him to know that when I dig the electric mixer and the flour sifter out of the back of the cupboard, Christmas is here. I can’t wait until he’s old enough to help me. Of course, then I’ll have to let him lick the bowl, which is always my favorite part. But that’s okay. Like I said, I love the little guy.